It has come to my attention that the evidently insane lady who relentlessly insists upon referring to me as her ‘baby boy’ (such an impertinence) has resolved to incorporate narratives concerning me into her little writings. As such, I feel it only right I should be first be presented to you by own paw. What can I say of myself? I consider myself to be an active fellow. Vigorous exercise in the form of long romps and games of cuz, the details of this extraordinary invention shall be related at a future date, are wholly invigorating and enjoyable. I wish I could say that such practices occupy much of my day, but this would be a falsehood. For I often find that following these corporeal efforts, I am much fatigued. The only practice I have thus far discovered as a means of establishing restoration is the undertaking of multiple slumbers, they need only be brief, throughout the day.
I consider it my sworn duty to protect the property and livelihood of my family. Much of my time is dedicated to this endeavour. I must confess I often quickly retract from interrogating interlopers upon their entering the estate, but I assure you that this action is entirely due to my quickly comprehending that these persons impose no threat. Nor is it a sign of cowardice, as many have supposed, that I quickly scamper under the furniture at these entrances. Rather, I feel it necessary to have an improvised weapon at my disposal in the event that I should abruptly be called upon to defend my residence. As I am not a sporting lad, I own no traditional weaponry and would of necessity be compelled to make use of such items as chairs should an unfortunate incident occur. Yes, quite.
My lone grievance is that my family often show to me the same deference given to the canine in our household: Scavenger, a rotund and indolent beagle. As a well-bred gentleman of considerable rank descending from a fine lineage of toy fox terrier blood, I find this treatment appalling. While I have repeatedly expressed my displeasure at the inedible kibble served to us twice daily, I have yet to witness any enduring alterations in the menu. Perhaps it is time to engage new servants. My sleeping quarters are equally disagreeable. At times I succeed in acquiring the comfort of the best beds in the manor, more often than not I am left to repose in the kitchen with the animals. It is a hardship not easily borne.
Despite all this, I possess an implacable fondness for my family. My mother especially is, indeed, rather too effusive in her affections, but I tolerate them the best I can. She is, nevertheless, devoted and benevolent. During this prolonged absence, I miss her greatly. I remain
Sir Perceval P. Pup
It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
Defending the drawing room,
in this case, from the wily schemes of the cat.